LADIES, raise your hands if you have received a different name from a man in a dating app. You are not alone.
Hundreds of Australian women go to the Instagram @ByeFelipe account to show men of their gross and obscene messages when they are rejected or ignored.
The Bye Felipe name is a game with the saying "Bye Felicia", the often quoted dismissive farewell that Ice Cube gave in the movie Friday.
The account has brought together more than 425,000 followers and placed nearly 650 copies of men who took revenge on dating apps. Posts emphasize examples of unsolicited intimidation, unwanted nude selfies and insulting messages that are focused on weight and sexual orientation.
Some of them go a bit like this:
Guy: "Then you have thick white b *** h No one will ever love you, mainly because of your size and your archaic convictions."
Girl: "Lmfao, I'm not the one who begs for attention and I do not need your approval, so joke is a ** hole on you. #Byefelipe."
Then there are the women who abuse because they do not respond quickly enough, or not at all.
Guy: "Hello, I'm Stan, nice to meet you, you're so attractive to me and I love your cute face"
The same man: "Stuck up b *** h"
Different man: "Wana hook up? HEY … YOU SPEAK WHEN I SPEAK TO YOU, UNDERSTAND ?!"
"WOW someone thinks they're too good, but you do not, you're soooo overrated," another male user said.
Unfortunately, the world of online dating has attracted more and more men with limited standards, respect and overall dignity, with @ByeFelipe proving how bad some messages can be.
Alexandra Tweten, the creator of the account, like thousands for her, has signed up for online dating in the hope of finding a decent guy.
Instead, Tweten discovered a world of abuse and intimidation as men, feeling rejected by rejection, smothered in the most horrible way they knew how.
"Many boys take the fact that they think they are online anonymous to be more courageous and say things that they would not normally see if they would see you in person," she told the ABC.
It did not take long before she uploaded the Instagram @byefelipe page
screenshots of the abuse. She even made a book of it that describes it as "disses, d ** k pics and other pleasures of modern dating", which was officially on sale two days ago.
Other women followed quickly and what started as a project between friends in 2014 grew into an online movement.
Many have contacted Mrs Tweten to thank her for making the page and to give women a voice.
"Because women often said," I did not know that other women were going through this, I thought I was the only one, "she told the ABC.
"So it's a bit of a sense of community and common understanding."
There are lots of other similar Instagram accounts, including @tindernightmares, which keep two million followers and @instagranniepants shy, an account that makes the comments and turns them into comic images of the men and their messages.
Research associate at RMIT (Royal Melbourne Institute of Technology), Anastasia Powell, who specializes in policy on violence against women, said the hostile responses can be traced back to gender stereotypes and expectations.
Dr. Powell told the ABC that people often tried to save their face when they were rejected and that in modern society it was more socially accepted that men expressed anger as an emotional reaction than to reveal grief or vulnerability.
"Moreover, modern dating is still subject to many gender stereotypes about how & # 39; good & # 39; or & # 39; decent & # 39; men & women should behave, and how sex is supposed to be negotiated, & # 39, she said.
"According to the latest National Community Attitudes study on violence against women, many Australians still believe that men should have control over their relationships.
"So for some men who have these attitudes, rejection in a dating situation can really be in conflict with their idea of how" good "women should behave."
Although the big dating sites all try to address the problem, either by blocking and reporting users, advising on safe internet before they meet with foreigners – ultimately the responsibility is often put back on the user.
A 2017 poll from Australia's Relations found that 21 percent of female respondents thought online dating was unsafe.
"Keep your communication limited to the platform and make users really online / use the app before you meet them in person", is the online advice for dating app Tinder.
"It is up to you to investigate and do your due diligence."
In the past two decades there has been a rising trend towards people using the internet and dating applications to meet new partners, the poll revealed.
It is the second most preferred way to meet a new partner behind introductions by family and friends and ahead of other traditional channels, including interest-based clubs, holidays, cafes or bars, work and social networking sites.
IT'S BOTH WAYS
Women may be just as likely (or perhaps even more so in some cases) than men to troll, but it depends on the context in which this behavior is investigated, said Evita March, psychology teacher, Federation University Australia.
"Previous studies into troll behavior show that men are more troll than women in online forums, gaming and even Facebook," said Ms. March. "It is currently unclear why women exhibit similar trolling behavior as men at Tinder."
She said that a possibility is that women are engaged in higher percentages of trolling.
"On the social media platform Twitter for example, women are just as likely as men to use deviant language, such as & # 39; s ** t & # 39; & & # 39; w *** e & # 39 ;," she said.
"Maybe Tinder users are seen as easy-to-drag targets, because of the" desperate "stigma that some people still associate with online dating.
"Given the easy and free access to Tinder, this would certainly satisfy the dysfunctional impulse of the troll, as opposed to paid sites such as eHarmony."
Let's take the case of 29-year-old Karen Ilya Laing, who was jailed in February of this year for sending a man (she met through Tinder and went on a date with) nearly 200 offensive text messages in just 46 hours do not forget. She was sentenced to 10 months behind the bars and excluded from using her cell phone or internet.