Hey MTV, A & # 39; Hills & # 39; reboot without Lauren Sounds, Like, Totally Sucky

I think I know I do not want to process it.

If you want to bring back The hills, as MTV announced on Monday evening at the VMA & # 39; s – where Madonna also paid a moving homage to herself – and then to do that without Lauren Conrad seemingly self-sabotaging.

To do this without Lo Bosworth is better to deal with – the only thing she did was to hang next to kitchen tables and watch with great eyes and outrageously on command – but still sad.

And to do this without Kristin Cavallari because she is now reportedly "contractually bound" Very Cavallari a! looks like you really do not create a sequel The hills, but a weak cup of tea that you try to mask with an excess of sweetener.

The trailer for the new series, played during the VMA's, contains an exceptionally annoying male-female duet, guitar-twangy version of Natasha Bedingfield's themed issue & # 39; Unwritten & # 39 ;. And then one non-material voice, intonating: "It's like we're all grown up … it's weird."

That completely Hills quote – I've played and repeated it several times, as weak as possible for my own entertainment – at least reminds us of the tone of the show, which ran from 2006 to 2010. Like, perfect.

The vocabulary was exclamations, head bevels, hands through hairs, eyerolls, shouts and shouts of incomplete sentences and insults, tears before and after bedtime, and long, pained glances that said everything, and all twang-twang music you could handle play about it all.

The quotation could not have been better chosen if it had been talked about SNL'S The Californians.

The focus of the old Hills was, really, on white women with self-luminous hair that never had a good time in glamorous places where you would think they would and should probably do it. (The only thing that has in common with the new Hills is that, at first glance at least, the renewed franchise still has no black faces in the leadcast.)

Every time they went out, fate struck. "Stay inside," you would think, "Just stay in."

Return The hillsand with one of those annoying titles with word and punctuation marksThe Hills: New Beginnings– (rightly) negotiate a lot about the public's affection for the brand itself, even if it lacks key players.

MTV said the new show will include old cast members "alongside their children and friends, and their personal and professional lives will follow while they live in Los Angeles."

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This can be reckless. Old Hills fans especially regret the lack of Lauren online.

When the show passed from a research into friendship and beginning careers to a turbo charged soap with the introduction of the bad guy male interloper Spencer Pratt, The hills became the tastiest, boldest snack on television.

Lauren and Heidi were the ultimate friendship that got soured by a guy (although there was more fame on them, maybe they would have done that too) and in a haze of quarrels about night clubs, intense conversations in the coffee shop soured and exquisite looks forward to the ocean, pillow-like lips are bitten, as the seriousness of certain decisions hit home.

It was Lauren who told Heidi that she thought Spencer was a "sucky person". used to be. (Also important: before she redecorated the apartment.)

It had been told to Lauren, devastating OMG, that she would be known forever if the girl who did not go to Paris went through Teen Vogue& # 39; s West Coast head honcho Lisa Love.

Of course Lauren eventually went to Paris and had the kind of princessy-specific time on the back of motorcycles with her floppy hair that can only be used with scripts on reality TV shows and Paris.

It is Lauren who tells Heidi that: "All that remains to forgive and forget, so I want to forgive you and I want to forget you." (Note: the refurbishment of apartments is complete.)

What a perfect line: pure Laguna method. And the music really helped.

Lauren Conrad does not want to do the new Hills; her life is different now, with husband and family, and nice lifestyle series to sell; a mini-financial mole built on the back of a reality TV character that she wants to keep at a stiff distance. Nothing can damage her happy smiley brand.

Or, more diplomatically: "She is in a different place in her life," said a source People. "But she wants everyone to have fun, she wishes everyone the best."

Lo Bosworth has been tough. "I thought so," F-k, no! I do not want any association with those people, "Bosworth said in February about her reaction to a TV manager who wanted to reunite her and her castmates (Lo had felt excited only in the show)

Whitney Port can still do: not yet confirmation, but promising signs of support shown on social media.

Without Lauren and her eternal suffering and humiliation, and without Lo-as-Tonto, and without Kristin switching and being lively and unpleasant, "Speidi" (Spencer plus Heidi) has in essence the word in the new show.

Justin Bobby Brescia and Audrina Patridge will be there, but they want to see how they play the most tortured relationship on TV, performed with so few words and such joint hair at the ready. Audrina and Justin Bobby were exhausting. Frankie Delgado was also part of the gallery on Monday evening. I only remember that Frankie laughed fraternally, but forgive me.

The good news, from Tuesday afternoon thanks to the Hollywood Reporteris that Brody Jenner is talking to return to the show.

A source is quoted as saying: "Everyone wants Brody to return, he was so much part of the show, it would not be the same without him."

"What are they going to do on the new hills, except drinking red wine and complaining about marriage, protein shakes and mortgage payments?"

Okay, but given both Lauren and Kristin – are two ex-conquests – are now married to child / children, and since Brody is married himself, what exactly can he do, especially because he himself has recently married?

Audrina had a short-lived marriage with Corey Bohan; their ugly split also meant that she accused him of threatening behavior.

What will they do for the new Hills, except drinking red wine and complaining about marriage, protein shakes and mortgage payments? But yes, the much older Bravo & Housewives party is ruthlessly hard, so maybe we need to re-prepare for the Hills cast to brave brave velvet ropes and dance floors.

Who can be Pratt's foil this time? He seemed really crazy about the time that the series ended, in which he became even more of a vituperative conflict with his sister Stephanie (who also appeared in the new series). Since The hills Past, Stephanie crossed the pond and became a star of a superior British show, Made in Chelsea, and now on every inch the identical blonde Glamazon looks like reality TV so voraciously used. (Her first romantic squeeze in that show was also called Spencer.)

If the presence of red runners means something, the new show also includes Jason Wahler and his wife, Ashley Slack, who have a daughter. (Certainly would have been a better Frankenstein title for the new Hills The Hills: Honey, we have to go home to pay the babysitter.)

Jason, you remember, was LC & # 39; s ex she chose to stay in Malibu at the end of the first season, and not to go to Paris for Teen Vogueinviting that cursing "girl who never wants to Paris" line from Lisa Love.

Their relationship collapsed around his substance abuse, which Lauren spoke about The hills& # 39; Tenth Jubilee Show, That was then, this is it now. Jason himself admitted earlier this year to a relapse during his struggle with alcoholism.

Perhaps Jason's troubling story is a focus. Or it will be Speidi's show-to-own, with their son Gunner who even accompanies his parents to the VMA's on Monday night, wearing a matching coat to his father.

Not for the first time you thought, "Is that Heidi?" Because the new Heidi still looks so different from the old Heidi, and that makes you remember one of your memories The hills"Most real, and therefore the most choppy moments with her mother Darlene crying and frustrated when watching her daughter transform herself into something that scared her, upset and alienated. (The two have reportedly been reconciled since then.)

Speidi is his own bizarre clown show, and Heidi's upset was a reminder of the harsh reality under the scripted confection. But even this relationship seems rewritten, with fans praising Speidi online as changed people: not as nuts, a kind of be-humbled, even charming. Really?

We will find out next year. "The rest is still unwritten," goes the last line of "Unwritten," and it was the last line in the twangy trailer shown on Monday night, promising fresh drama after an arsenal of LA-familiar shots of hazy sun disappearing, blue ocean , the & # 39; Hollywood & # 39; sign and finally the shimmering night.

This, in the chilly clubs of Hollywood (R.I.P. Les Deux!), Was already it then Hills mischief occurred mainly and hopefully the producers will hopefully re-occur.

We do that too. Totally.

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