I do not know if it is worth mentioning from the beginning because the first infidelity occurred only a year after the marriage began. I gave birth to my daughter and the man celebrated at home with prostitutes. Later there were longer relationships and processes that were under way.
I do not know why I was forgiving, scattered and reconciled. The last event was still fresh when things were loaded, they left, went to another. This love lasted three weeks. Now there are constant, empty accusations that seem to have printed it.
Yes, I was tired, I betrayed, I ignored, because it was probably no longer possible to forgive. So he seems to want to "tune" again, even if he promises to go, but I'm not sure that this is an adequate human behavior.
Comments from psychologist Agnė Vaiciukevičienė
First of all, I would really like to be glad that you are looking for a way out of a mitigating situation. In your letter you write that "he seems to want to apply again", even the promise of commitment to apply, but … ". I would like to point out that people can really change, especially if they get the right help, but they need a lot of motivation and work with themselves. It is important that this is real action, not promises that, if I have understood correctly from the letter, have been "fed" for 23 years. I am glad that you are doing the first and probably the most difficult step – the realization that such relationships are not acceptable and appropriate.
In the letter you describe the peculiarities of the behavior of the man, his failed and failed attempts of infidelity, but I got more information about you. How did you grow up? What experience did you draw from your youth? Which family model did you bring to your relationship with your spouse? Why do you hesitate to be released again and again? Maybe it's a fear to stay alone? Maybe not trust yourself? Or maybe a model seen from childhood? What is behind your constant forgiveness?
Perhaps we can find an answer to this question, based on the interpretation that every person comes into our lives to teach someone something or to teach him something about himself. On the basis of this statement, it is assumed that men who give the woman constant promises come into the life of women to be appreciated. The intimidation and accusations you write in your letter may be willing to teach you to hear yourself.
Women who live with violent, addictive, adulterous and noisy husbands, often experience victim syndrome, on the other hand they have not been successful and they are not destined to be happy.
Comes with it and accepts the current situation as suffering. Do not listen to your needs and do not appreciate yourself. Accordingly, a person undermines his unbearable behavior by consciously respecting oneself, restoring the structure of his personality, emphasizing, taking a "victim" program on the surface, learning to defend his limits and standing in front of himself. The victim must suffer a lot of pain, so that she finally has a desire to change something in her life. On the one hand you write that such stress has already happened: "I was tired, I betrayed, I ignored, because it was probably no longer possible to forgive", it was as if the threshold had been reached, when you realized that too much but you started asking again: "The heart seems to want to Understand it, but the mind is very much against it."
So, get out of this vicious circle and stop believing in promises when you begin to appreciate yourself when you define your boundaries and when you love yourself when you listen to yourself and think that you are worth the love of another person. You wrote more about a man in your letter, but honestly think and answer, if you have not solved the inner complexes, even if you did not accept your husband, you would then be able to use other & # 39; normal & # 39; create relationships?
In my opinion, you must first change yourself and change the relationship with the environment. your attitude and working with yourself is especially difficult. And it is quick to be glad that psychological help is not paid in Lithuania alone. The health system has free access to specialists. I really hope you dare to look for free help and start changing yourself. Good luck